Monday, April 14, 2008

Being in the know ain't always in the know. You know?

Here’s a hint; if you are referencing pot, don’t make that silly “I’m smoking pot” gesture.

You know the one. You pinch your thumb and forefinger and touch it to your lips. Often, there's some back and forth motions like the gesturer is smoking in an old, handcranked, over-speed, black and white silent movie. I understand that everyone immediately knows what that means. But unless you are trying to score from someone across a linguistic divide, just don’t do it.

How many times have you seen this scenario? You’re at a party and someone party goer invites a fellow party goer they have recently met to join a bunch of them “for a walk.” Or “to go to the basement.” Or “to go and smoke.” Or (my favourite) “to burn some dried hemp and then inhale the smoke in order to derive some level of euphoric intoxication.” The invitee blinks for a moment and then with a visible gathering of their street cred ask “You mean...” and touch their pinched thumb and finger to their lips. Because they have seen How High and Weeds. They know how it goes down.

I’m gonna break the Magicians Code here and pull back the curtains - you have not communicated that you are “with it.” No. You have just broadcasted to everyone sober enough to give a shit that you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about.

It’s like they feel it they say the word “pot” they will instantly get jumped by clever drug cops and immediately deported to Jordan for “questioning.” Dude, it’s not like being at an airport, where in the interest of security certain words are illegal. Chief among them the four letter word “bomb.” Maybe it is the silent “b” that gets people so upset. I understand “pneumatic” is next. I’m not sure how many times I say bomb on any kind of regular basis, but the whole time I’m going through the metal detectors all I can think is, “don’t say bomb. Don’t say bomb.” Okay, that’s not all I’m thinking about. I am also hoping they don’t find the illicit bottle of (liquid) shampoo my fiancée is smuggling onto the airplane.

To sum up, just say pot. Or weed, or Mary Jane (like Spidey!). Unless you’ve at the airport. Cause then, yeah. Absolutely. You will probably got tackled and sent to Jordan.

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