Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Cheating; Happy Birthday Nick

In place of an actual post that requires... you know... work, I thought I'd simply throw up this birthday gag I sent out to someone today. His name, in case you became confused, is Nick.

It made me giggle while I was writing it, which doesn't happen as often as you might expect. Or hope for.


Hello, you have been randomly selected by BIRTHDAY BOT to receive this birthday greeting.

Based on your CIA profile, BIRTHDAY BOT has compiled the following birthday greeting choices.

Happy Birthday NICK!

Congratulations on reaching your...

(choose one...)

1) First
2) Sixteenth
3) Forty First
4) Already Dead

... Birthday! We hope you enjoy lots of...

(choose one...)

1) Cake
2) Money
3) Sex
4) Money you get from Sex! Remember, now that you're a year older you can...

(choose one...)

1) wonder what happened the previous year, and where you left your bong
2) be tried as an adult
3) grow hair in new and interesting places
4) join the army and die in new and interesting places

...! Ha ha! To lift your spirits, I'm going to share with you the Norwegian saying about Birthdays. In Norway, it's not about being a year older...

(choose one...)

1) It's about being a year closer to death
2) It's the motion of the ocean
3) It's the ability to still do a 'Keg Stand.'
4) It's feeling dirty but still looking at the chicks on Facebook anyway

BIRTHDAY BOT kids. NICK, here's hoping you'll get a...

(choose one...)

1) boy
2) transgendered junkie street walker
3) understand judge
4) life

(choose one...)

1) love you long time
2) love you for the best 30 seconds of your young (and previously sheltered) life
3) develop a correspondence game of Milles Borne, the French auto race card game.
4) change your diapers

...and help you celebrate! Oh and BIRTHDAY BOT got you a gift... and a really nice one, too... but it's...

(choose one...)

1) in my other pants. Hint hint.
2) at the jewelers being resized for your unusually large fingers
3) underage
4) at this moment being worked on by the best scientists and doctors. We have the technology. We can rebuild him. (Whoops. Left the price tag on. Now everyone will know how much it cost!)


For this birthday greeting, BIRTHDAY BOT CO has charged your credit card for this message and the price of your gift.

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